It's been three days since Bella was born and I'm finally getting up the courage to start working on preserving what memories we have of her. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share with friends and family on Facebook, which has been our lifeline with the rest of the world. After sharing a few photos, I realized that I want to share EVERYTHING about her. She is real and the memory of her will always be present in our family. Our five-year-old daughter Caroline is grieving right along with us, but she is also struggling to understand why and how this happened and where her baby sister is now. I want her to know every detail there is to know about Bella that we can share with her. This is unfortunately a part of our lives now. Caroline will always be a big sister to an angel in Heaven. I will always be a mother who lost a child. It is what it is. Follow along with us if you like.
Bella Joy. I want to share that this was not supposed to be her name. Caroline started calling the baby "Bella" when we found out that her new sibling would be a girl. And it stuck. Whenever we talked about the baby, we referred to her as "Baby Bella". Greg and I had not decided on a name for the baby other than the fact that she would NOT be named Bella. (Sorry Caroline!) We had a few names we really liked and decided to wait until we met her to choose the name that best fit her personality. Since we never met her in life, it seemed wrong to call her anything but "Bella". And now that I think of it, this probably makes the most sense to Caroline. She doesn't know that we were going to choose a different name and I'm excited about how, one day in the future, she will realize that she was the one to name her sister. It's perfect.